Its 2:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep because I spent the entire day sleeping. Like seriously, I woke up, ate a HUGE breakfast, slept for 3 hours, and then was awake for 2 hours then slept again for 4 hours. I don’t know why I felt so sleepy today. The weird thing about it is that I was able to reflect on things about myself today even if I spent it sleeping (and eating). Here are some of the things that came to mind today:
1. I enjoy eating RICE more than ever. If you know me well, you would know that I stopped eating rice for 3 years in High School and 3 years again after College. I can’t believe I would go back to eating it again. Well, im sure it helps with my menstrual cycle plus it helps me feel full longer. I eat rice three times a day most days, and I love it. I don’t know when I’ll stop or if ill stop. but for now, let me have my rice!
2. I am severely sleep deprived. I spent quite a few months sleeping really late because of school and personal reasons like being emotional and feeling sorry for myself. So now, I think my body is demanding the much needed rest its been craving for. I know that I have to make up for the low grades I got during the first sem during the coming months, so I am welcoming more sleep deprived nights soon. I have to redeem myself.
3. I am better in handling stress now. I used to cry over low grades, like really cry and allow it to affect my interactions with people. I used to feel emotional over small things like old pictures or memories. I used to cry A LOT before. But now, after everything that my body, mind and soul went through, I am better in handling stress. I can shrug it off and say that “Well, I have to move forward.”
4. I am healed. I know I’ve said this a lot of times but oh my gosh, I am really healed. After all these years of trying to normalize my hormones and controlling everything to the dot…Now, I get my period monthly. With a cycle of 30-32 days. AMAZING! PRAISE GOD!!! I look at myself in the mirror and I see a chubby but perfectly normal woman who is capable of bearing a child. It has been my prayer and now it is happening. I am a normal woman! 🙂
5. I am capable of fulfilling my dreams. I guess this is the most important thing that I thought about today. I never thought that I could reach a point in my life that I can say that I CAN REALLY REACH MY DREAMS. NOW, it feels as though my dreams are attainable. I guess I got to this point because I got through a terrible phase in my life and now I feel that I deserve to be perfectly happy. That even though I felt broken, I can still get back up and live my dreams. I’m excited to experience so many things in my life. I have a lot to go through but I am willing to experience the good and bad to get to the top.
6. Last, but certainly not the least, I realized that I moved on already. It wasn’t easy to type here before what happened to me but now that I AM OKAY, I can share it with you. I moved on from a relationship that I thought would never have an end to it. It feels good to say that. Thank you Jesus for healing my heart completely. For restoring my broken heart and soul. It wasn’t easy to go through sleepless nights, emotional meal times, pathetic walks in the mall and severe binge eating to ease the pain. I went through it just like any other girl would. Aaaaand now, I am okay with it. I don’t ever want to go through another break-up again. I want my next to be my last (Lord, please?).
I spent this day sleeping and thinking about my life and these are the things that came to mind. Oh another thought is that I learned how much I love eating TimTam. yuuuup, its my thing the past few weeks. haha.
If you are going through a break-up, don’t give up. Go through the process and accept the difficulty of it. You will get through it, maybe with anger or bitterness, but you will finish the process.
It wasn’t easy typing this but I’m glad I did 🙂
A Little Bit of Everything 